S for Satireday (1)

June 26, 2010

It is hard to come to terms with this week’s events in a short missive so, given that pictures tell a thousand words …

The following lobbed in my inbox yesterday. I don’t know who is the creator but they deserve a pat on the proverbial back for creativity and speed (appropriate for the week in many ways):

Full forward for the Labor Party?

Full forward for the Labor Party?

Another Speilberg Machiavellian plot?

Another Speilberg Machiavellian plot?

Today Australia, tomorrow the world?

Today Australia, tomorrow the world?

Why stop at the world?

Why stop at the world?


F for Wryday (14)

June 24, 2010

I thought twice about this one — it’s masculine stereotyping at its worst — but on the first day of Julia the Ever-Red’s Prime Ministership I will pay homage with a bit of gender-depricating humour.

EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!

DAY ONE
HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation

TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

DISHES & SILVERWARE;
DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK
OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.

REMOTE CONTROL
Losing the remote control – Help line and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place
Instead of turning the house upside down while screaming –
Open forum

DAY TWO
EMPTY MILK CARTONS;
DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH;
BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY
AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation

LIVING WITH ADULTS;
BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN
YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES
& CALLING WHEN YOU’RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT;
LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counsellors available


F for Wryday (13)

June 17, 2010

Striking a ‘stick-figure’ blow against fundamentalism?


If

June 10, 2010

Again, thanks go to Catholica, specifically Stephen, for posting Joni Mitchell’s adaption of Rudyard Kipling’s ‘If’.

Inspired by that, I thought I’d post the same poem read by — and as a kind of dedication to — Dennis Hopper who died a few weeks ago.

And, just for the record, the poem:

If
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”;

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run –
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man my son!


Catholic sexual teaching and Catholic social teaching

June 10, 2010

The following excerpt is from an article on Clerical Whispers entitled ‘The Vatican Reaches out to Unbelievers’. The whole article is well written, well argued and well worth a read, but this section comparing Catholic sexual teaching and Catholic social teaching is a gem:

The first concerns the Vatican’s most pressing contemporary problem, its sexual teaching. Writing in The Tablet, the Catholic commentator Clifford Longley recently identified what’s gone wrong by contrasting Catholic sexual teaching with Catholic social teaching.

The social teaching flourishes because it is based upon real relationships, and reflects on the goods, and ills, that arise from shared life.

But the sexual teaching is based upon prohibitions, blunt rules that bear little if any relation to life as people live it.

Witness what the church has to say on celibacy, contraception, divorce, homosexuality.

Absolute rules on these matters don’t make for human flourishing. They are stones that sink lives, should individuals be unfortunate enough to find themselves tied to them.

That disconnect is nub of the problem: the Catholic hierarchy has drained itself of wisdom in sexual matters.

It’s a wisdom that might be replenished not only by talking to the faithful, but by talking to those on the outside of faith who seek what it means to live flourishing lives.

Thanks to Helen on Catholica for this link!


F for Wryday (12)

June 10, 2010

Universal Laws?

Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch & you’ll need to go to the toilet.

Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability – The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi – If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law – If you change traffic lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you change to.

Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters – The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theatre and Football Ground – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the gamer. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies & stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

The Tea Break Law – As soon as you sit down to a cuppa, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

The Law of Lockers – If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

The Law of Physical Surfaces – The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

The Law of Logical Argument- Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

The Law of Physical Appearance – If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

The Law of Public Speaking – A closed mouth gathers no feet.

The Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy – As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors’ Law – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better, but don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick.


The slow work of God

June 7, 2010

Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
We are quite naturally impatient in everything
to reach the end without delay.
We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way
to something unknown,
something new.
Yet it is the law of all progress that is made
by passing through some stages of instability
and that may take a very long time.

And so I think it is with you.
Your ideas mature gradually. Let them grow.
Let them shape themselves without undue haste.
Do not try to force them on
as though you could be today what time
— that is to say, grace —
and circumstances
acting on your own good will
will make you tomorrow.
Only God could say what this new Spirit
gradually forming in you will be.

Give our Lord the benefit of believing
that his hand is leading you,
and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself
in suspense and incomplete.
Above all, trust in the slow work of God,
our loving vine-dresser.
Pierre Teilhard de Chardin


F for Wryday (11)

June 3, 2010

Now this is just soooo silly and so useless it really has nothing of value going for it, really nothing! But it did bring a smile: