F is for Wryday (29)

October 28, 2010

Baz and his wife Edna went to the local agricultural show every year and every year Baz would say, ‘Edna, I’d like to ride in that helicopter’.

Edna always replied, ‘I know Baz, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars and fifty dollars is fifty dollars’

One year Baz and Edna went to the show, and Baz said, ‘Edna, I’m 85 years old. If I don’t ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance’.

To this, Edna replied, “Baz that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars’.

The pilot overheard the couple and said, ‘Folks I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don’t say a word I won’t charge you a cent! But if you say one word it’s fifty dollars.’

Baz and Edna agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.

He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Baz and said, ‘Strueth, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t. I’m impressed!’

Baz replied, ‘Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Edna fell out, but you know, ‘Fifty dollars is fifty dollars!’

F is for Wryday (28)

October 22, 2010

It’s hard to believe that it was over a year ago that I was in Europe.

Paris was the last place we saw before heading home and, appropriately, I saw this on a T-shirt in a market:

In Heaven:
The cooks are French,
The policemen are English,
The mechanics are German,
The lovers are Italian,
The bankers are Swiss.

In Hell:
The cooks are English,
The policemen are German,
The mechanics are French,
The lovers are Swiss,
The bankers are Italian.

F is for Wryday (27)

October 14, 2010

The perils of voice recognition. Our accents are different but they’re NOT American:

F is for Wryday (26)

October 7, 2010

David was well pleased when a friend gave him a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was called ‘Duster’ and was fully grown and, as David was soon to discover, had a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren’t expletives were, to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird’s attitude and was constantly repeating polite words, playing soft music — anything he could think of to try and set a good example.

Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shook the bird and the bird just got more angry and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer.

For a few moments he heard the bird squawk and kick and scream. Then suddenly there was quiet … not a sound for half a minute.

David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David’s extended arm and said, “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I will endeavour at once to correct my behaviour. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness.”

David was astonished at the bird’s change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, “May I ask what the chicken did?”