F is for Wryday (33)

November 25, 2010

Pastor Smith looked very sullen as he began his sermon one Sunday.

‘My dear people’, he said, ‘It is my sad duty to inform you that I must leave this parish soon’.

He went on, ‘I enjoy working among you and the feedback I get from you is that you enjoy having me here. Unfortunately however, it comes down to money. With our growing family it is just impossible to live on the salary of a small parish’.

There was silent pause …

All of a sudden a man, in the middle of the congregation, stood up, ‘Pastor, as the manager of a car yard, I’m happy to offer you the use of suitable car for the duration of your ministry’.

Another, shorter silence …

‘And I’ll provide you with half price fuel’, said another parishioner. Almost before he could sit down his wife whispered something into his ear and the man rose again, ‘err … I meant to say, free fuel, Pastor!’

Other parishioners stood up, one by one, and offered goods or services until old Mrs Jones slowly rose to her feet and waved her walking stick to get Pastor Smith’s attention.

‘I’ll give you free sex for as long as you’re here, dear’, she proclaimed.

Red-faced, Pastor Jones asked in a kind voice, ‘Mr Jones, what possessed you to say such a thing?’.

Looking a little quizzical, she replied, ‘Well everyone was offering you goods and services, so I said to Bert, sitting here next to me, ‘Bert, what about Pastor Smith?’ and Bert said, ‘^%$# him!”.

F is for Wryday (32)

November 18, 2010

My cousin — a certifiable dag if there ever was one — sent me this one:

A salutary lesson

November 13, 2010

I’ve learned two new things about the internet this week.

The first was about Facebook. Yesterday it was about blogging, more specifically WordPress, the hosts of this site.

David Schutz’ long-running ‘Sentire Cum Ecclesia’ was unceremoniously dumped by the hosts the other day and this was their ‘fullsome’ explanation:

This blog has been archived or suspended for a violation of our Terms of Service.
For questions or concerns, contact WordPress.com/Support

Enquiries bore no fruit apparently. It’s just gone … no names, no packdrill.

Giving over to the conspiracy theorist in me, I’d hate to think that someone who took exception to an opinion expressed on Sentire complained to the hosts and that complaint was enough to get it pulled. That would make all WordPress blogs that had anything to say, vulnerable. I know that the basic service is free, but it really is not good enough in a democracy. WordPress is not the church after all!

Needless to say I’ve availed myself of the backup service and saved a local copy of this site!

The other thing about the internet in general is that — for better and worse — it is really hard to control. It keeps re-inventing itself and people find out about how to do stuff. In this case David has found by searching the Web that WordPress is ‘known’ for this type of action and the solution is to use their software on a site you pay to host yourself.

So, like Dr Who, Sentire is back here: http://scecclesia.com/.

PS: The PewMeister was very sympathetic: ‘Poor Tony and Peregrinus will have no one left with whom they can argue their usual left of centre POVs.’

Can I read a hint of nostalgia between the lines? Does Herr Exy miss the days when he hosted a DB that had a bit of life?

Facing it

November 12, 2010

OK, I admit it. I don’t really get Facebook.

I used to think it was a generational thing but many contempories of mine are just as enthusiastic as the Gen Why-ers. So it’s not that.

Why do people think anyone is interested in the fact that they trimmed their toenails this morning? As for Tweeting, I’m just so ‘5 minutes ago’.

Mind you, why would anyone want to blog?

Anyhow, this is the best explanation of Facebook I’ve seen in a while (thanks to Crikey).

F is for Wryday(31)

November 11, 2010

Well, I’ve well and truly blown any pretense that my sense of humour is ‘politically correct’, so in for a penny …

I have always wondered this myself … now I know.

People born before 1946 were called The Silent Generation.
The Baby Boomers were born between 1946 and 1959.
Generation X between 1960 and 1979.
Generation Y between 1980 and 2009.

Why do we call the last group Generation Y?

I always thought it was because they say…
Y should I get a job?
Y should I leave home and find my own place?
Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours?
Y should I clean my room?
Y should I wash and iron my own clothes?
Y should I buy any food?

Recently a cartoonist explained it very eloquently:

F is for Wryday (30)

November 4, 2010

This gem was sent to me by a (very) English woman. It fits the theme of Wryday 28, but it’s foundations of humour are built upon much harsher and unjust stereotypes (tsk, tsk, tsk … how could she!). If that kind of thing offends you, look away now …

Three’s a crowd?

On a beautiful desolate island in the middle of nowhere, the following
group of people are shipwrecked :-

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman
2 Canadian men and 1 Canadian woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
2 English men and 1 English woman

One month later on the same island in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:

One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a ménage-à-trois.

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.

The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean, another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming.

The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.

The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant and a laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their stores.

The two Canadian men are contemplating suicide because the Canadian woman keeps complaining about her body; the true nature of feminism; how she can do everything they can do; the necessity of fulfilment; the equal division of household chores; how sand and palm trees make her look fat; how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do; how her relationship with her mother is improving, and how at least the taxes are low and it isn’t raining.

The two Irish men have divided the island into North and South and have set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whisky. But they’re satisfied because at least the English aren’t having any fun.

The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

Mmm … I wonder who the original author of this was? My instinct says Canadian.

I also wonder what an Australian entry would look like along the same theme. Perhaps it could be ‘The two Australian men spent most of their waking hours playing beach cricket or just loafing around. At night they’d try to scam some whiskey out the Irish and food from the Greeks. The Australian woman got tired of being ignored and joined the French.

I could go on, so I think I will …

The two Australian blokes were Bluey (because he had red hair that was really orange) and Rowdy (because he was a quiet sort of bloke). Niether knew the other’s real name and it never occured to them to ask.

After much stirring they managed to convince the English blokes to join in the cricket — although they’d only play in the cool of the evening — and convincingly belted them most of the time.

The Australian’s gave the Englishmen nick-names too, inspite of protests. One was ‘Shorty’ (because he was tall) and the other was ‘Silent P’ (they knew his real name was Rick and they didn’t like him much).