F is for Wryday (92)

April 27, 2012

Some vintage Woody Allen is called for by nobody in particular for no particular reason …


F is for Wryday (91)

April 20, 2012

Some are repeats (probably on this blog), most are varying degrees of awful (I just can’t help myself).

Punography

  • I do not enjoy computer jokes. Not one bit.
  • I changed my i Pod name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
  • When chemists die, they barium.
  • Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
  • A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
  • I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
  • How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
  • I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Than it dawned on me.
  • This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
  • A guy got arrested for playing the guitar. For fingering A minor.
  • I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
  • I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
  • They told me I had type A blood , but it was a Type- O.
  • A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
  • PMS jokes aren’t funny, period.
  • Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
  • Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.
  • Energizer Bunny arrested. Charged with battery.
  • I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
  • How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it !
  • Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
  • When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
  • What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.
  • I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me !
  • Broken pencils are pointless.
  • I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
  • What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
  • England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
  • I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
  • I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
  • All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.
  • I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
  • Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
  • Velcro – what a rip off !
  • Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
  • Venison for dinner ? Oh deer !
  • Earthquake in Washington obviously government’s fault.
  • I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.
  • Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

F is for Wryday (90)

April 12, 2012

It’s all relative …