F is for Wryday (117)

March 21, 2013

Finding a woman sobbing because she had locked her keys in her car, a passing soldier assures her that he can help.

She looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door.

Magically it opens.

“That’s so clever” the woman gasps. “How did you do it?”

“Easy” replies the man. “These are my khakis”.

————————-

You think that’s weak? Think again:

The new pope gets up on the morning after the election and goes to the kitchen thinking about making himself some toast, spread with dulce de leche washed down with a bowl of mate.

Before he gets there a Cardinal interrupts his passage and insists that from now on he must order his breakfast from the kitchen and that his cooking days are over.

‘We have two fine English cooks, Sister Margaret and Sister Christina, at your service Your Holiness’.

Francesco is a little miffed, not only because he can’t cook his own breakfast but that his cooks are English (memories of the Malvinas are hard, even for a humble man, peace-loving, man to suppress).

So he continues to the kitchen to meet the good sisters and makes a good impression.

‘What will we have this morning, Sisters?’, he asks tentatively.

‘It’s a special day, Your Holiness, so we are preparing a full English Breakfast!’

‘Forgive me sisters but it brings to mind a song’.

‘Don’t fry for me Marg and Tina’.


Shut it

February 18, 2013

I was browsing a few favorites the other day when I came upon Australia Incognita’s post, No Mr Mullins, the Pope’s resignation does not mean married priests!, where ‘Mr Mullins’ (he’s a priest actually, the ‘Mr’ is pointed) speculates that a Pope who can break a long standing precedent such as ‘Pope for life’ can open the way for a future Pope to change the rules on celibacy.

In an earlier post AI expresses a hope that a new Pope might continue a trajectory more in keeping with her own particular form of Catholic outlook (in short, a ‘trad’) but this is not an ‘agenda piece’ in the way that Mr Mullins wishful thinking is.

But beyond the spat, what struck me was the image at the end:

shut_it

Rich in symbolism, eh? It’s an image from the 50s (or even earlier). It is a man holding up his hand to assert his authority. There is no discussion or even a mention of the issues.

In contrast and with no bias whatsoever, I offer this gem gleaned from Facebook (thanks to Milly … again!).

maybe_pope

No agenda there eh?

PS. I would have attempted to respond to AI as I have in the past, but like the image symbolises, strongly expressed counter views are not welcome.


F is for Wryday (108)

November 16, 2012

Another classic from Milly’s Facebook postings:


F is for Wryday (102)

August 24, 2012

Amazing pictures from Mars. Nothing more need be said …


F is for Wryday (97)

July 13, 2012

There are rumours that Facebook is going to add a new button to its pages …

… they started here.


F is for Wryday (96)

July 5, 2012

Back to the world of top paddocks and relatively easy access to the interwebs …

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Cardiovascular Exercise for Seniors

The older we get the more important it is to incorporate exercise into our daily routine. This is necessary to maintain cardiovascular health and maintain muscle mass.

If you’re over 50, you might want to take it easy at first, then do more repetitions as you become more proficient and build stamina.

Warning: It may be too strenuous for some.

Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program!

OK, now scroll down.

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Now scroll up …
And that will be enough for the first day. Great job!
Have a glass of Wine.


F is for Wryday (93)

May 4, 2012

An email came across my inbox today written by a CEO trying to sell the wares of his business to a prospective client. In explaining the nature of his business he wrote, ‘We collaboratively help our clients face increasing challenges to balance short term objectives against strategic choices to realise sustainable business outcomes’.

I suspect he was going for a buzzword bingo prize (you can generate your own here).

Later in the email he use the phrase ‘in this space’ which I suspect is quickly replacing ‘going forward’ for the next ‘big thing’ in buzzwords.

Come to think of it ‘next big thing’ would probably appear on someone’s card … mmm … maybe even ‘buzzword’!


F is for Wryday (86)

March 16, 2012

OK this is one of those I’m-not-sure-it’s-funny Wrydays, but it does ‘smack my Gob’. This is Sarah Palin — unkindly dubbed by some as the ‘Caribou Barbie’ — telling Fox News what Obama (son of a Kenyan father and a white mother from Wichita, Kansas) is taking the US back to pre-Civil War days. She seems to enter a trance-like state hoping, I assume, to fool the viewer into believing she makes sense.

I take some comfort knowing she’s not actually running for POTUS, but then there is the slight possibility of a Brokered Convention but that’s not suitable imaginings for a Wryday.


F is for Wryday (75)

November 24, 2011

A bit of a depature this week and for those of my vast readership who have no time at all for politics, an apology.

I have been fascinated by events in Canberra yesterday. No matter what you think of Julia and the Labor government, it seems they have not been able to take a trick all year and, to mix metaphors, too many have been ‘own goals’. Now that negative momentum seems to have shifted and the icing on that rising cake has been the resignation from the Speaker’s chair of its long-time Labor incumbent, Harry Jenkins, for turncoat Nat/Lib (well its peculiar Queensland hybrid) Peter (Slippery Pete) Slipper.

Annabel Crab on The Drum explains it much better. It’s good writing, IMO and, appropriately for a Friday, has some amusing moments.

Harry’s gift: a seat, a vote, and order from chaos
By ABC’s Annabel Crabb
Posted November 24, 2011 13:00:51

Order!! I'm outa here!

Just when you thought this parliamentary year had entirely run out of fizzy-pop, there it was. Harry Jenkins, resigning from the speakership, relinquishing the nicest office in Parliament House, and causing thereby a fairly considerable power shift in the House of Representatives.

His stated reason? He had become frustrated by the speakership’s obligation to remain aloft from partisan political matters.

“My desire is to be able to participate in policy and parliamentary debate, and this would be incompatible with continuing in the role of Speaker,” he told an electrified chamber.

Now, a man who resigns in order to spend more time with his policies is a man of whom further questions probably need to be asked. That this impulse should strike Mr Jenkins at exactly the same time as the concerted attempt by the Queensland Liberal/National Party to disown its difficult and profligate son Peter Slipper further strains the notion of coincidence.

The result? A disaffected Slippery (already held in pretty poor odour among his colleagues) will commit party treason and defect, in return for an office of dignity and respect, a more accommodating pay packet, and the right to pour brandies for visiting bigwigs.

Slipper has remained in the chamber doggedly directing traffic on the floor of parliament pending what will presumably be his formal election to the speakership some time after lunch. Quite possibly, he was loath to step outside, lest he encounter an angry mob of his erstwhile colleagues.

Ambassador Jenkins (if I may be so bold as to rehearse the title) will return to the Government benches, boosting Labor’s voting numbers by one, and thus shifting the Poker Machine Of Damocles from its customary position six inches above the Prime Minister’s head.

What lies ahead? I think it is reasonably safe to predict several things:

1) A flood of recovered memories from the Opposition benches about irregularities in Mr Slipper’s conduct. Colleagues tend to forgive such failings, but adversaries never do, and one can expect all of the savagery of Labor’s Mal Colston fixation to be visited upon Mr Slipper from this point on.

Mal Colston was the Labor senator whom John Howard’s Coalition duchessed with the Senate deputy presidency in 1996.

Speaking this morning, Tony Abbott likened Labor’s recruitment of Mr Slipper to Whitlam’s sensational purchase of Vince Gair in 1974, in which the DLP senator was offered the ambassadorship to Ireland in order to free up his seat.

“This is a Government in crisis,” he told reporters, and sternly refused to discuss the Colston analogy on the grounds that it was “ancient history”.

(Abbott history, one may conclude, features a wrinkle in time around about the mid-’90s, when dinosaurs roamed the earth, and mudskippers edged from the primordial slime with nascent hopes of one day helping John Howard flog off a third of Telstra.)

2) A Christmas bonus for Anthony Albanese, who has been working on today’s coup for a bit and who – despite historically chilly relations with Julia Gillard – was this morning able to present her with something money can’t buy: An extra vote. I don’t know what Tim’s got planned, but it’s not going to beat Mr Albanese’s gift. Mr Albanese’s speech at yesterday’s censure motion – read it here – was also one of the strongest of any minister, all year.

3) A distinct devaluation in the Independent currency in the House of Reps. From now on, instead of having to win four extra votes for any given issue (out of Windsor, Oakeshott, Wilkie, Bandt, Katter and Crook) the Government will only have to win three. If today’s events had taken place this time last week, for example, the Government could have saved itself the $100 million or so it handed to Andrew Wilkie in concessions on the mining tax (which would additionally have saved them all the consequent fuss and bother it took to get the, er, Bandt back together)

Luck, or planning? A bit of both, really.

After a year and a half during which it often seemed as if some unseen cosmic hand was timing events of random misfortune to coincide most grievously with unforced strategic errors from the ALP, November 2011 seems to have brought a rearrangement of sorts.

Some vast pieces of legislation tucked away. Confusion to her enemies. The Prime Minister’s year has ended with the audacity of hope.

My second reason for posting from The Drum harks back to a comment on CA this week in response to James, about online news media:

More seriously, I occasionally dip into The Punch and The Drum online and they’re both good examples (particularly The Punch) of how quickly and eagerly online Australians resort to the same ‘competition to find the most puerile insult’.

If you are in a ‘purile insult’ mood, some comments can be funny … well most often in a Schadenfreude sort of way … and, yes, it’s not too sophisticated … and not at all Christian … and it becomes a farce for anyone wanting to post a thoughtful response.

Which makes me wonder what news organisations have in mind when they let these comments fly on their online outlets. Do they just equate numbers — no matter the quality of contribution — with evidence for their business model? Speculation for a non Wryday, I think …


F is for Wryday (74)

November 17, 2011

Just one more mildish dig at engineers from xkcd.