F is for Wryday (110)

January 31, 2013

When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said ‘Let us pray.’ We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land.
~ Desmond Tutu
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.
~ David Letterman
I’m not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. God dammit I’m a billionaire.
~ Howard Hughes
After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.
~ Italian proverb
Men are like linoleum floors. Lay ’em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.
~ Betsy Salkind
The only reason they say ‘Women and children first’ is to test the strength of the lifeboats.
~ Jean Kerr
I’ve been married to a communist and a fascist and neither would take out the garbage.
~ Zsa Zsa Gabor
You know you’re a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn’t.
~ Jeff Foxworthy
When a man opens a car door for his wife it’s either a new car or a new wife.
~ Prince Philip
A computer once beat me at chess but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
~ Emo Philips.
Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.
~ Harrison Ford
The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree.
~ Spike Milligan
Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke.
~ Robin Hall
Kill one man and you’re a murderer, kill a million and you’re a conqueror.
~ Jean Rostand.
Having more money doesn’t make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I’m just as happy as when I had 48 million.
~ Arnold Schwarzenegger.
We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.
~ WH Auden
In hotel rooms I worry. I can’t be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked.
~ Jonathan Katz
If life were fair Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.
~ Johnny Carson
I don’t believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we’re very skeptical.
~ Arthur C Clarke
Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.
~ Steve Martin
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.
~ Jimmy Durante
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind – every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
~ John Glenn
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat?
~ Steven Wright
America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric.
~ Doug Hamwell
The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.
~ George Roberts
If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport
~ Jonathan Winters
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad I take something for it.
~ Robert Benchley

F is for Wryday (109)

January 24, 2013

It’s been a while, but I’ve been a little busy and, well, a little lazy.

Having been in that fair city a couple of years ago, I enjoyed this one, that I did:


F is for Wryday (108)

November 16, 2012

Another classic from Milly’s Facebook postings:

F is for Wryday (107)

November 8, 2012

OK, it’s weird. I know. I just love watching the Americans do their own peculiar form of democracy. But this is Wryday and our ABC has come to the party:

See more in US election memes: the best and funniest of the internet. As a bonus it might help you understand what a bleeping meme is.

F is for Wryday (106)

October 26, 2012

A number of the following arrived in my inbox today.

I don’t own an i-phone, but it does have a reputation for its ‘auto correct’ facility.

Credit where it’s due, you can see many more at Why Parents Shouldnt Text.

F is for Wryday (105)

October 19, 2012

No need for translations:

F is for Wryday (104)

October 12, 2012

I’ve neglected my duties to the humorous side of life but, the truth is, not much funny stuff has been hitting my inbox lately. Maybe it’ll improve in the warmer months!

Couldn’t resist these visual puns though (courtesy of Milly’s facebook page).

F is for Wryday (103)

September 7, 2012

Aside from acknowelging this came from today’s Crikey, nothing more needs to be said:

F is for Wryday (102)

August 24, 2012

Amazing pictures from Mars. Nothing more need be said …

F is for Wryday (101)

August 17, 2012

The reason for this Wryday entry may not be immediately obvious, after all it’s a eulogy and it’s a politician. And while my liking for Malcolm Turnbull declined rapidly when he joined the ranks of the anti-Republicans, he’s certainly a much more impressive figure than his current leader.

Mind you, this speech certainly has some amusing moments, as eulogy’s are wont to do, and so I guess it takes its place worthily for that, but I found one small section particularly amusing.

The subject of Malcolm’s fine words were his recently deceased brother-in-law, Robert Hughes. At about the 10 minute mark …

‘I think he had a swipe at you’ [Looking at Tony Abbott]

Quick off the blocks, Tony replied, ‘He missed’.

Even quicker (and more effective IMHO), Malcom swathes, ‘What a loss for the nation would it have been if he’d have connected’.

It may be my imagination, fueled by my own bias, but Abbott’s look … well, maybe it was my imagination.